Faith. Family. Friends. A life revolved around the important things.

Outside my window - light flurries dancing about, baby it's cold outside!
All dressed up and nowhere to go - my new "yeti couture" boots (see photo below) super comfy, keeps my toes warm and it was a steal, the rest is my usual uniform of jeans, long-sleeved tee and a black hoodie
Our daily bread - it's meatless Friday so it's looking like a tuna casserole evening
All around me - a general tidy despite this mama being ill.  The hubby made sure he went back to work today (after a two days off) with a clean house for me to not slave over.  He is an amazing human being.
Food for thought - the necessity of faithful, prayerful friends/family. On my sickbed this week I could hardly pray and in that vulnerable moment my faith was really tested.  When no words or heavenly thought would come I just told the Lord to consider the merits of those praying for me in the way that He saw the faith of the friends of that paralyzed man lowered by his friends through the roof (Luke 5:17-26).  Pray for your friends!
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good - a successful cataract extraction surgery for our youngest.  It was found shortly after birth but the eye doc decided it was best to wait to get it out.  The waiting is done and over with, recovery is going well.
On Santa's "nice" list - coveting a Kindle Fire, a dutch oven, a hip necklace (I don't know exactly what that is but I want one) and a shiny snowflake brooch (my old one is tarnished).
On the crafting-challenged list - looking for an easy gingerbread house recipe, nothing fancy, no eggs of course and something that even little hands can make.
On the reading list - just finished reading the life of St. Jean Marie Vianney, he "followed" me everywhere this year so I finally capitulated .  What an amazing (and intimidating) life! Reading the lives of the saints really challenges me to live my own vocation heroically for the love of God. 
O Come, O Come Emmanuel - can't believe it's almost Gaudete Sunday.  There's nothing very Christmas-y in our house yet.  Our Advent wreath, Jesse Tree and outdoor lights are up but that's it, we've been too busy.  Hoping that we can at least have our Christmas dishes up by tomorrow.
Random snapshots - baby getting ready for surgery and my new "yeti couture" boots, I did say random shots right?

Over coffee the other day, a friend told me she needs whatever "magic prayer" I have been praying. This, after telling her that the Lord has been so generous in answering my prayers left and right. I chuckled a little bit about the whole "magic" prayer.  For so long and for many moments in my life I've always wanted to be that miracle story, magic, if you will. There's a part of me that waited for God to answer my prayers in a mind-blowing way so the world will know God loves me and in a way, I will know that He loves me. Those prayers, as you can tell, were tinged with presumption and pride.  It was the kind of prayer that God did answer, at His own time, at His own terms and sadly, left me thank-less and wanting more.

You can say my relationship with God back then was like a kid in front of a vending machine. I put a quarter (prayer) in and expect candy (a positive answer) right away.  It took awhile for me to stop acting like a child and really figure out what prayer is and what the Lord wants to hear from me other than "gimme".  It also made me think of what I was asking and if it was not (possibly) contrary to God's will for my life.  And I know what is contrary to God's will for me, that which does not produce virtue. Even in the absence of virtue, He was not any less generous in His response, only that I was too blind to see it. So with this new insight I started praying for virtue more than the temporal (however pressing) needs of my life.  It occurred to me that every challenge, need, problems, hurdles, et cetera that this life has to offer is an opportunity to become closer to God. So I put aside those needs and asked the Lord for the virtues necessary to be closer to Him and to conquer the pressing details of my life. Seen in the light of faith, the perceived burdens do not chafe as much. 

The quest for virtue is difficult because it exposes the root of ones being and mine was/is nothing to be proud about.  I am able to laugh now at the audacity of which I have asked God in the past.  The presumption, the whole "I deserve it", I've done so many good things where's my reward type petitions. Oh and the many people who told me to "claim" it, as if I have any claim to God other than His mercy.  Even that is something I beg for.  

My prayer life is changing, the lists are still there, but at the very heart of it is the desire for virtue and a desire to establish a relationship with God under the banner of humility. The prayers that are being answered are not because I deserve it but because He is merciful and generous.

I know it's Saturday but this list is really for yesterday.  We had such a wonderful day-after Thanksgiving thanksgiving meal. By the time everyone left I was very thankful but very tired, hence this delayed post. My list for yesterday:

• the family - my husband's and mine, beautiful, faith-filled and one (united).
• that college student (Hi Kelsey!) - speaking of family she made the long drive to and from college just to be with us.
• this house - that I truly have a love-hate relationship with.  But at Thanksgiving I can truly appreciate that it can hold this big family. With furniture moved out and around we are able to fit 3 long tables, a kids table and a round table to hold a feast for 28 people. Yesterday I loved this house.
• a break and a haircut - in the midst of a busy morning I was actually able to find time to quickly run to the salon and get a badly-needed haircut.  I was in danger of growing a mullet and it had to be clipped.  Yup I love my hair, whatever is left of it
• food - overflowing, delicious and a testament to God's generous bounty.  For this we are truly thankful.
• sleep - we slept late and woke up late

May the rest of your Thanksgiving weekend be truly blessed.

Today is the day - Happy Thanksgiving!  Most of you are probably in trytophan heaven at this time.  As for me, I'm still in cleaning mode, our Thanksgiving dinner isn't until tomorrow (to best accommodate everyone's schedules).  Before I start whining about how tired I am let me start my thankful list:

• over-abundance -as I muddle through the last details of cleaning and pondering that what's taking me forever to finish cleaning is that we have STUFF.  No, not stuffing, we have that too but I'm talking about a load of crapola. So I was able to fill two big garbage bags of clothes to give away. With five children and about 500 (labeled) boxes of tupperware filled with clothes, I am thinking the Lord better give me another girl because 250 boxes of those are girl clothes!  Can you tell I was trying to clean the basement?
• the basement - why be thankful for the basement? Because it's a huge space to keep a lot of STUFF!
• a friend (Hi Jocelyn!)- who is providing a turkey for dinner tomorrow.  Her husband was kind enough to bring it to our house. So we are serving two turkeys to feed the 5,000 (okay we're NOT that big of a family).
• surrender - that which corresponds to the virtue of humility.  As the aspiring perfectionist, I was hoping to scrub the whole house down to perfection (I even cleaned the basement, NOT on my chore list!) Then my body complained, then the kids got tired of four days of cleaning, then I noticed that to really get my house cleaned to perfection I have to basically gut it, rebuild and keep my children outside at all times.  Since it's not on the chore list, not on the budget and for fear of  Children's Services the idea had to be nixed. So I'm done with cleaning. What I don't clean you are allowed to ignore.  Any mean comment about dirt, dust and grime in my house falls under the sin of perfectionism.
• laughter - because that my friends is the secret to surviving this life.
  

May you all wake up from the food coma in time to beat those Black Friday crazies

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

In comparison to these past few days of preparation, today wasn't too busy. Here's installment no. 3 of my thankful for list:

• the sun - compared to these past few days of rain (of which  I was thankful for yesterday), the sun did peek out today.  It was a nice break from the damp and dim.  As to be expected, it called my children's name and off they went to play outdoors most of today.

• neighborhood friends - the safe kind, the kind that you're not scared about being be a bad influence on your children.  We're very fortunate to live in this neighborhood (of boys!) The parents aren't so bad either (Hi Jenny!)
  

• adult neighborhood friends - it's so cool that I can send my kids to the neighbors to borrow stuff (cocoa powder, lawn leaf bags, vanilla..)  I am fairly friendly with most of the people on my street and it's nice to be able to stop for a nice conversation with adults every so often.  It doesn't hurt that they all seem to have no problem with the homeschooling thing.
  

• my homeschool girlfriends - even the ones I don't see as often.  We are all truly sisters in Christ and that common bond of faith is a source of comfort and strength when I feel ill-equipped for the "battle".  These prayerful, joyful and faith-filled women have taught me so much.
  

• the Eucharist - from the Greek "eucharistia", meaning "thanksgiving".  Source and summit of the Christian life, it sure is mine and that's all I have to say about that.
  

Happy Eve of Thanksgiving!

Installment no. 2 of what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving week:

• rain - because I get things done when the outdoors isn't calling our name
• a small kitchen - took me about 3 hours to deep clean, not done yet, but I can't imagine what it's like to clean a bigger one (and how long it takes!) With an aspiring chef in my 8-year old, the kitchen is always caked with flour, sugar and butter.
• manual work - because our bodies are made to move. The mental work involved is also gratifying, a time to converse with God and praise Him that thus far I am in good health. Praying for so many who I know are suffering illnesses that are physically debilitating.
• music - Christmas carols to be exact, it just makes all these preparations more fun.
• that baby - who likes to sit on my lap and give me kisses as I sit on the floor while scrubbing something.  A welcome distraction and reminder that my children are my primary vocation.  In another (more stressed) universe, I would have been quick to give him a toy and put up a gate between us so I can get work done.  But now I am putty in my children's hands, they come first, their affection is more important than that dust bunny.
• Murphy's oil soap - cleaned everything in sight, from the kitchen cabinets to the floor. 
• pancake - because it's easy enough for my older two to make without my supervision.  That was lunch and I'm so proud of them.
• naptime - because after a long day like this and a perfect rainy day to match, it's the perfect thing to do.

Happy Thanksgiving Week!

Thanksgiving is a busy holiday for us, having the glorious honor to host dinner at our home.  Here's my thankful list before I get all stressed out mid-week:

• that 10-year old boy who started "dragging" me to daily Mass, even that 6:30AM one in that far-away church in Worthington (it is far away when we have to get up at 5:30!)  I should also say we don't go there everyday, just once a week, the rest of the time we go to the church behind our house and it's NOT at 6:30
  
• that 10-year old boy who, in the absence of kneelers, kneels before receiving Communion.  Not a profound bow but a pious genuflection. He told me once that he just couldn't help himself, "I just have to do it". Me thinks the Holy Spirit and him are becoming fast friends.  He's also one to stay kneeling during Adoration, after telling him he can sit he said "it's okay mom, I really enjoy talking to Jesus this way".  Did I tell you I love this child?  I have a lot to learn from him.
• vinegar and washing soda - the new cleaning love of my life, for carpets.  I've always used vinegar but today I decided to add washing soda with fantastic results.  The vinegar smell is absent and the carpet is clean. I love a clean carpet.
• crossed-out lines on the chore list - it means I'm accomplishing something and there should be no reason for me to stress out (we'll re-visit that in a couple of days
• pot-luck style Thanksgiving dinner - yup, that's how we've been doing it for a few years.  We provide the turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes, the rest of the family fills in what's missing.  I'm thankful for this set-up every year, it doesn't put the burden on one family. 
• the Blessed Mother - after all it is the feast of her Presentation today.  I've recently started praying the Memorare as my "centering prayer" (no not that heretical kind!) to ground me in the truth that my vocation as mother needs constant aid. 

Happy Thanksgiving Week!

Maybe it's the lack of sunshine these past few days (or I'm just getting old) but I'm certainly missing that extra spring to my step and the zest for life that's patently mine. The muse of inspiration has certainly left the building and here I am stuck on a color-less, mechanical way of living routine. So before I succumb to the depths of mediocrity and self-pity, let me take the sage advise of counting my blessings. From the lame to the mildly sublime, here's my "thankful for" list in random order, indulge me...

• Friday! - end of the work week for my husband and we can just put our feet up and let the world pass before us as we look forward to the future together, libation in hand - mine -his
  

• My new front-loader washing machine - it does three times the load of the old one and our clothes are cleaner too. Raise your hand if you were, once upon a time, mesmerized by your front-loading machine you actually stood there to watch it wash your clothes (it's okay, we all do it )

• Pinterest - yup that's the lame part I was talking about.  It awoke the sleeping beauty that was my creativity.  Never mind that the first thing I searched for there was a maroon dress! (burgundy actually produced better results)  Remember when this blog was used to be called Faith, Family, Friends, FASHION and posted my fashion picks?  Well, a busy life of five children later there was just no room and time for vanities (and certainly not in the budget).  Then pinterest entered my life, I could peruse clothes again with someone else doing the homework!  As I always tell my husband, a girl can dream and pinterest is surely giving me that dreamy existence again (no offense husband!)

• Sacrament of Penance - especially when I'm helping my kids prepare for it (once a month). Those are privileged moments for me, when we run through their transgressions and I see the anguish they have over it.  That window to their soul is so sacred, to be allowed to step into it is a gift that I'm cherishing before the time comes when I am no longer privy. That triumphant moment when they come out of the confessional with a joyous sparkle in their eyes and that piety in prayer - moments that make me want to cry.  The effects are also immediate, there is more peace at home and I can see how hard they try to cooperate with the grace bestowed on them.
  

• Books - even electronic ones that keep me up at night and drive my husband crazy   .  Crazy in a good kind of way because I am a better person when I read. Just this week I finished the Anne (of Green Gables, Avonlea, et al) series that I started reading in Texas. As my husband is the Gilbert of my life he totally benefited from my reading that romantic book! Although I'm sure he thought I was a little bit crazy to find inspiration in fictitious characters. Speaking of Texas, that's where I got caught up with all the reading. Lord of the Rings and various other classics that were free on Kindle. Oh and American Girl hahaha, hey it was on my daughter's reading list, must know what they read!  The bad side to this is that when I start to read a good book it is hard to peel myself away from it.  Thank you (again) to the new washing machine, I'm not so behind on laundry.

• Babies and children - mine specifically.  Because they are forgiving, loving, funny, silly and to paraphrase Scripture "I know mine and they know me".  Here, as we toil, day in and day out, either academically or attending to the massive chores before us, we are one in heart and mind not counting the temper tantrums .  What a privilege.

I will not add my husband to this list because there is no end to my praise and thanksgiving for him.  I harrass him enough on Facebook.

What are you thankful for?

Outside my window...cool and crisp as the sun tries to peek out on this gorgeous morning. 
I am remembering...joy.  I'm a little bit overwhelmed with everything that's leaky, broken, wrong in this house. 

I am creating...nothing (yet).

I am going...to clean up my room if that's the only thing I do!  It's looking more like storage instead of haven these days.

I am NOT...stressing out today. Promise!

I am reading...Magic Treehouse books to the 6 and 4 year old.  We're trying to read it in order.  The girl used to think it was so "boring" compared to her classic literature picks.  But these past three days she's been knee-deep into the books and is almost finished reading all of them.  Thirty plus books in three days, she's our bookworm. 

I am hoping...to start school today, slowly.

On my mind...apple-picking! 

From the learning rooms...there's Science and History and of course our favorite, Explode the Code.

Noticing that...getting back to P90x isn't as hard as I thought it would be.

From the kitchen...apple crumble in the works, a birthday cake that is almost gone and hot coffee.  I love mornings, more importantly I love Fall mornings.

Around the house...needs tidying up but nothing that should take the whole day to do.

One of my favorite things...waking up early

A few plans for the rest of the week... homeschooler's Mass with the Bishop tomorrow and then to finally get back into the groove of our homeschooling life.

Ready for my close-up...the only photo left from camping after I mistakenly deleted the rest of them from the memory card-

One of my husband's concern when he went to the Philippines was how the people will respond when he speaks Tagalog.  He was concerned that the Filipinos will be offended if he doesn't pronounce the words properly or if he did not construct a grammatically correct sentence. Despite my many attempts to allay his fears he still remained apprehensive.  Now, Lawrence is not shy about speaking a different language and he has displayed a quick (bright) mind in learning them. But faced with a full immersion into the Filipino culture, I can imagine, was a little bit intimidating.  His first forays into speaking the language when he got there brought him such delight. He realized that all his fears were unfounded and that whenever he spoke it he endeared himself to the people. They thought him more words (he is forbidden to learn bad words) and more sentences which in turn made him bolder.

I'm writing this in part as a social commentary and in part to brag that Lawrence speaks Tagalog .  In the Western culture, we are so into the idea of perfection that we are quick to correct a foreigners grammar, speech and accent.  Think about how many times we have made fun of other people's foreign accent (mine including!) or annoyance at how they mis-pronounce words. With the primacy of the English language, we forget that there are people in the world who take great pains to learn it (let's ignore those who actually don't make any effort to do so!)  There is also a certain idea (at least in my culture) that if you spoke English you are somehow smarter than those who do not.  Lawrence was never made fun of or his pronunciation uncharitably corrected (they may not have even corrected him as he is just so cute!).  In fact, he was welcomed more into the social circle and really made to feel part of the culture.  It is a compliment to us that he has taken an interest to connect with us through our quirky language.

On a side note, last night I "threatened" Lawrence that by age 80 I will refuse to speak and think in English.  I figure my brain will already have lost vigor and it will be too tired to translate my Tagalog thoughts into English.  This gives him 39 years to learn more Tagalog

So the next time you encounter a foreigner trying hard to get that English word out, hold the laughter, hold the annoyance.  Instead, think of how long it took them and the courage it takes to even learn and get the words out.  Now if you are going to a foreign country, teach yourself a couple of conversational words and don't assume everybody speaks English.  Whether we like it or not, we are the real ambassadors of the country we came from and what we do or say is a reflection of our culture.

Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!

PS- I will not correct any wrong grammar on this blog entry

As everyone goes back to school today, I am pondering the one advise we all hear as homeschoolers - to create a plan/goal for each school year. One of the speakers at the recent homeschool retreat spoke about creating a spiritual and physical plan on top of the academic.  Her examples really energized me and is inspiring me to put mine into action.  So here's a sample of what we're hoping to do: (keep me accountable!)

Academic:

• the kids want to take the CAT (California Achievement Test) in the Spring.  My children are excited about the idea of academic testing and gauging how well they do (it's really for bragging rights)  We are using the CAT as our inspiration to work harder.
  

• an immersion (instead of spiral) approach to Science this year.  In the past, we dabbled with a little bit of everything (jack of all trades, master of none) but this year we want to focus on one subject (Astronomy).  The oldest has already perused the whole book and gave me the thumbs up.  We're using Apologia for this subject.
  

Spiritual:

• we have yet to choose a patron saint and school motto. I am leaning towards St. John Marie Vianney, he seems to be everywhere I was this year.  He might have already chosen me ;-)  As for the motto, it will come to me, like it always does.

• each year we memorize a Latin prayer - it will be Anima Christi and Salve Regina.  We will learn to chant the latter as it is easier to memorize in song.  Speaking of singing, I want to teach the kids Tantum Ergo and O Salutaris Hostia. The parish in our neighborhood has a weekly Exposition and Benediction so it would be so appropriate to learn these. Since Latin is one of our subjects, this also falls into the Academic category right?

• taking the advice of a priest - I want a holy water font by the front door to bless ourselves on our way in and out of the house.

• a blessing/gratitude book, where we can all write down our blessings at the end of each day.  

Physical

• the oldest and I have recently started to run.  We also found out that our parish now has a 6:30 AM daily Mass. So we have planned to combine the two - go to Mass three times a week then run afterwards. 

• more outdoor time/playdates before the cold of Winter locks us indoors

• more (challenging) chores and responsibilities for the older three.  The almost four-year old has already, on his own accord, taken over new chores. Praise God!

I'm trying to be simple in my goals and plans as it is very tempting to plan for everything. One of my favorite things to say is "make room for the Holy Spirit".  So that empty space in my planner is for Him.

Happy Back to School!

Before I left for the Philippines, the girl wrote me a letter that truly made me so happy.  Here is the text with no spelling corrections ( she's a great speller- I'm a proud mama!)

June 30th 2011
10:35 Thursday

Dear mama,

I will miss you when you leave. At least the days pass by fast. I will save some fun for you when you get back.  My list daddy already has, so you know what to get me.  The boys might send theirs, I do not know yet. I hope you understand this letter.  You know I love you right? Tell Daddy I love him and miss him.  Have fun!  I love you! and I will miss you.

She stole the "you know I love you right?" question from me, I ask them that question at least once a day and for her to write it to me is just too sweet.

I love my life, I love that my kids are at home with me.  This letter is just one reward for this amazing vocation.

Outside my window.... sun is up, soft breeze blowing on the leaves of the maple tree on the front yard. After the scorching heat in Houston and the Philippines, 71 degrees is a treat.
I am remembering...beach, surf, volcano, friends and an unforgettable Summer.

I am creating...a checklist for my overnight bag, I've been such a scatter-brain lately that there's actual danger of my forgetting the overnight bag itself.

I am going...to pick up the older two from a sleep-over (thank you Becky K.!), dropping off recyclables and clothes for donation,  dropping off the girl for an ice cream parlor date with her girlfriends, tidy up the house before I leave my brood for the weekend. 

I am NOT...handwashing today woohoo!  Giving my hands a break from manual labor. 

I am reading...nothing yet, need to go through my bookshelf for spiritual books for the retreat. 

I am hoping...to find a reasonably priced, well-built clothes washer sometime this week.

On my mind...Georgia.  Umm, not really, I've never been to Georgia.  My mind is in the here and now, at least doing my best.

From the learning rooms...school is still out for the Summer.  A girlfriend is selling me some of her homeschool books though.  Apologia will be our Science textbook this year.

Noticing that...running has become easier since coming home.  Maybe it's the cooler temperatures and not having to deal with heat exhaustion.

From the kitchen...a sinkful of dishes. It will be a take-out food kind of day for all of us.

Around the house...a word - UGH!  In a more hopeful tone - this too shall pass.

One of my favorite things...a little baby who won't stop saying "Daddy" as soon as Lawrence gets home.  He only says "Mama" when he's trying make bubbles with his saliva.  Yup, this child obviously loves me very much, he salivates at the mention of my name!

A few plans for the rest of the week... just trying to get through each day with a smile on my face and more check marks on that chore list.

Ready for my close-up...for those of you not on Facebook (Barb S.!)  a photo of our beach vacation in the Philippines (Boracay), I've been asked if this is a postcard, it is not, I took it with my humble Kodak digital camera and it wasn't even re-touched.  Nature is photogenic.

I am getting over a major post vacation-withdrawal issue.  Most of my 1.5 readership know by now that we are back from a 2-month vacation to the Philippines via Houston, Texas. It was a trip that certainly exceeded our expectations from how smoothly it all went to how blessed it was. Through the generosity of my sister and brother-in-law (and their children!) Lawrence and I were able to spend 10 days in the Philippines without the kids. Hubby was there for work for seven weeks, for those who haven't heard. I joined him on his fourth week there which was also his vacation week.

I am still pinching myself to this day, who but a generous God in His beneficence could give such a wonderful gift!? As much as I would like to write the details of this glorious vacation, my vocabulary fails to satisfy such a sublime experience.  For the sake of memory I hope to put everything in writing one day but for this blog entry we will deal with post-vacation stress syndrome

Vacation is not an easy thing for me to ease in and out of.  After all, I am the mother of a fairly large household and my nature is to control, manage and put things in it's proper order.  So allowing myself to do next to nothing, to have others take care of me and my children, to be pampered and be spoiled threw my OCD nature for a loop. There was a total mind-body disconnect.  Add to the equation that I was alone with my husband for 10 days.  Okay that was actually the sane and amazing part, he is my sanity-saver. But like I said, details later, drama part now

We knew we were coming home to a little bit of a rough patch. As we were rounding out the corner to our street, my husband gave the ominous "are you ready for this?" question.  A couple of weeks before our homecoming the one bathroom attached to the boys bedroom leaked (into the room and down the into the basement). The house was so musty that we had to sleep in the sunroom that night. Everywhere about me screamed "vacation is over sister!"  The following morning, as I was getting ready to run a load of laundry, we found out the washer is dead. In less than 24 hours my to-do list became so formidable (two months of undone chores, unpacking, back-to-school stuff, retreat planning, a benefit dinner, etc.) With my name written under all of it, I startled to buckle under pressure. Did I say it had been less than 24 hours that real life confronted me with a swift kick?

On the other hand my children were, for all intents and purposes, back to their normal life. They are playing with their friends again, laughing (crying and fighting) about the same things. As for mine, well, it couldn't get back to "normal" fast enough. My heart and mind seems to be straggling behind. It was stuck in the glorious light of vacation, the romance of being back to my native land with family and childhood friends.  In the interest of full disclosure, I go through this "I wanna go home" deal every so often. For those of you who are "transplants" from a foreign country, you know the feeling, there's no place like home. After twenty years of being gone, even I did not anticipate the kind of love I felt for my native land.  When my feet hit the ground I about lost it, home at last to the land of my birth, to it's warm and beautiful people, to it's beautiful language and delicious food!  And the bonus - home to the embrace of my husband who left 3 weeks earlier greeting me in the land of my birth.  God has a great sense of humor.

I'm lucky to call so many places home, just ask the amused customs people.  My travel documents include a Canadian passport and an American green card, I am the envy of many who can only dream of having one of both. As a typical Asian trait, we tend to assimilate well to new cultures and make any place our home.  Despite my legal credentials, my heart will not deny that it aches for the Philippines more than any other.  But before I start sobbing let's move on...

Fast-forwarding to the here and now: I'm slowly easing into my real life.  The truth of it all is that it is a good life and I just need to stop whining and get with the program. As I was hand-washing our clothes today it occurred to me that the happiest people in life are those that RESPOND, not just REACT. My misery was due to my reacting to the imagined chaos of my real life. Having more time to digest, plan and accept it all I realized that the proper attitude had to be a loving response.  To embrace once again the beauty of my life with all it's drudgery and monotony. It is easier to react with disdain, to be consumed in self-pity and to forget what is/was good. But the more noble thing is to respond to the gift of love that God first offered me.  It is undeniable as I look at my husband, my children, my family, my friends, these last 41 years, heck even just these last 2 months! - God loves me in a most incredible way (that I don't even deserve!) 

I am not saying I went from misery to ecstasy in two seconds flat at this realization. It is, however, helping me embrace the sacrificial beauty and nature of my life as I ease out of vacation into vocation mode.  Now off to tackle that to do list!

I'm happy to report that the girl lived through First Penance.  I say that because she was so nervous, although excited in the beginning she was absolutely fearful when we got to church.  A few weeks before hand we were preparing like crazy and she was already exhibiting some fear. We plugged along with extra encouragement (and lots of prayers) in the hopes that excitement will replace the fear.  So on a cold December morning, we made our way to church filled with parents, children and clergy.  As soon as the priests made their way to the confessionals, the girl froze and was about ready to cry.  She begged to go later (meaning when she's a teenager!) and hung on to me as if she was being led to the slaughter.  With many consoling words we marched with her to the line and held her hand all the way to the "threshold".  She picked to go to our parish priest with note on hand, fear in her heart but a contrite spirit for sure.  It took a few minutes but to a very anxious mother who envisioned her tongue-tied and scared child it seemed like eternity.  When she finally came out she had this big smile on her face and literally jumped into the arms of his big brother.  We all leapt to her side and gave her hugs and kisses (yes, we make a big deal about these things ) then let her say her Penance prayers. The immediate effect of the Sacrament was so visible, I could cry.  She really worked at staying in the state of grace which was so amazing to see in a little child.

So now let's flash-forward to the prospect of First Communion.  The Fear has return!  She's been asking to move her First Communion to a later date (yes, when she's a teenager!).  This was so uncharacteristic of her because just a couple of years ago she was all madly in-love with the idea of receiving her Lord (note that I said "the idea" versus the Person).  Anyhow, we head-butted for awhile.  I really thought she was just being hard-headed and selfish as she did have the "world revolves around me" attitude going on for awhile.  I prayed a lot about it and looked deeper into the person(ality) of this child.  She is a very smart girl, she GETS it, she believes it is the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of her Lord, she can define and even spell transubstantiation and she loves all the catechesis, so something isn't adding up. So I asked her to tell me where the fear is coming from and as most of you with children know the answer to that question is "I don't know!".  Upon further reflection I realized that this is her - she's naturally shy and never wanting to call attention to herself (don't worry she doesn't know I'm writing this blog, well, until she's a teen-ager!). 

A couple of days ago, I was telling my friend Kimberly about this and she told me that her daughter is also nervous.  We both agreed that the devil is really working overtime to keep the girls (and anybody for that matter) away from God.  In her wisdom she quoted this Scripture passage:  "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matthew 19:14)  I've kept this one to heart and told the girl to pray that nothing will hinder her from receiving her Lord, not even an un-named, unspeakable fear.

I have every confidence the girl is ready, she is well-catechized (if I may say so myself) and so now we will move from tackling the catechesis to exorcising the fear by replacing it with excitement.  So this weekend we are SHOPPING!!!, for a First Communion dress, shoes and whatever other frivolousity we find (no frivolousity isn't a word).  Don't worry, we are balancing the material with the spiritual.  We have Adoration days and a novena planned.  But for now we focus on the shopping . 

So please keep praying for her and for us.

If you've ever met my husband your first impression of him was that he is serious or even somewhat aloof.  But behind that false exterior he really is a very funny man with a soft, romantic side.  Last night he wrote an ode to me for Valentine's day (which we don't even celebrate hahaha) on his Facebook status.  Let me prefix this by saying that he has written me many (love) letters throughout the years but this one by far is superior in how it left me literally rolling on the floor laughing:

Not a big Valentine's day guy... (and thankfully neither is my wife!) but in the spirit of the day, which technically is now over... i will give it a shot...

Oh dear wifey,
I love my lifey... with you...
Tonite, You made a rocking pork
that you could cut with a fork...

...you clean our home...
and are as tall as a gnome...
you smell real nice...
and when you were pregnant, you kept the house as cold as ice...

I love you with all my heart...
even when I pass a ... kidney stone...
I am happy to have you
even if I step in goo...

You are the best wife ever...
even if this ode ain't to clever
You are holy, and good, and full of grace
I could just stare at your pretty pretty face...

The end.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.  ~Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

How's that for a titillating, over-the-top title for a blog entry?! This is the answer you've been waiting for to questions of "how do you make your kids behave in Church?" and "how do you get it all done"? I promise, there are no fees to be paid for this "infomercial".

I've been asked many times the questions above. Between homeschooling three kids, entertaining a 3-year old, nursing an infant, meals to plan, laundry to tackle....how does it all get done????!!!  My answers have been varied, from it doesn't ALL get done to God's grace alone. But no one seems to buy the idea that I do not in fact, have a SECRET weapon.

So now let me tell you my dear friends that the real secret behind my success is MY HUSBAND!!! (trumpet blasts and applause may now commence).  As much as I would have you and myself believe that I am great and amazing, he is really the one who does the grunt work to make me look good.  He is not above picking up the pieces of whatever destruction I leave behind .  He cooks when I can't or don't want to (shame on me!), fold and put away laundry when I'm on the verge of laundry mountain despair, bathe the kids when I am positively okay with stinky feet and grimy hair, get up in the middle of the night to soothe a sick child or a grumpy baby, listen patiently as I marvel him with my daily laments (drama is my middle name) and brings home surprises at the right time (like a soothing cup of caramel macchiato or a bottle of Absolut Citron or my favorite micro-brew).  For those of you who ask how we get the kids to behave during Mass, it is because the rowdiest (and the baby) gets to sit with him.  Sitting with mom is a reward for good behavior (he doesn't mind being the bad guy). If I wrote down everything he does for me, you will be bored to death if you aren't already.

With the Church declaring this Sunday as World Marriage Day, it gave me cause to seriously ponder my marriage.  But before I go on, let me rant that the following day is also the feast of the Roman martyr, St. Valentines, a feast that the secular world latched on to with much vulgarity and commercialism. End of Rant.

Getting back to the pondering of marriage - we've been married almost eleven years.  I kid you not when I say I thought then that my husband is getting a good catch in me. After all, there I was - the most amazing thing that walked the earth - smart, independent, fairly successful in my own right and infinitely wise. The only thing that equaled my greatness was my overreaching humility .  Flash forward to ten years later, some of my greatness is somewhat diminished but I am definitely humbled being married to a man who truly answers his call - "

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word,that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So (also) husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:26-28)

I mostly fail in fulfilling my end of the bargain, especially the part about being holy and without blemish?  That part requires cooperation and I am not always a team player. 

It is easy for me, as a stay-at-home mom to compare the drudgery of my days to the "exciting" life of my working husband.  In the confines of his workplace, he is impervious to the whining, quarreling children (yes mine do that!) and the mounting responsibilities of my day.  But then it occurred to me that NO ONE is breathing down my neck to get things done.  I can corral the kids to their own rooms to get my peace and quiet.  I can lay down when I am tired and I can choose to stop my work day as I see fit. I write the goals, I plan the days.  In short, I AM THE BOSS and as such, I have in fact reached my life-long career goal!

At this realization, I was quite amused and yes, humbled.  My pondering doesn't end today or this weekend or even on Valentine's day.  The gifts my husband gives me need a never-ending memorial because when the chores pile up, the kids need bathing, dinner has to be cooked, lessons have to be taught, I need the humility to say I don't do it all.

Other than the frozen outdoor Christmas decorations, every hint of the past season has been neatly tucked away. The house is once again devoid of (Christmas) cheer with the sterility and reality of Winter claiming it's rightful place.  This is the time of year when cabin fever is heightened especially at the sight of the piles of snow outside and the piles of laundry inside!  Having grown up in the tropics, I've always had romantic notions of Winter. I imagined what it was like to sit in front of a fire, traipse in the snow, go sledding and drinking hot chocolate without actually sweating. Almost twenty years later, with many Winters/blizzards/snow days under my belt, I still declare "I love Winter!" until, well, February.

Lately I've been having a hard time transitioning from one season to the next, from one liturgical celebration to the next.  I'm just not ready! I wasn't ready for it to be Autumn, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year and now I'm not ready to savor going back to Ordinary Time.  I am the one that refuses to board the train and can't believe they all chugged along without me.  Maybe I'm just getting old, maybe time is moving too fast for my liking.

So now that I've dampened your mood let's move on to happier things!My calendar is "hopping" with so many good things this year - the girl's First Communion, family and friends coming for a visit, a trip to Texas to visit my sister.  This last one I'm very much looking forward to. We've tossed around the idea of possibly staying in Houston for a whole month or the whole Summer!?! We'll see, but just the thought is so appealing to me. I don't do well with being apart from my blood kin for long periods of time. My sister and I have always envisioned growing old together (in our walkers and Louboutin's hahaha).  Don't worry my husband is not jealous of that thought as he will be the one pushing us on our wheelchairs. 

Anyhow, the original idea behind this post was trying to find the extraordinary about the Ordinary Time.  It then occurred to me that despite it's name, we do live in an extraordinary time.  At least I do.  There is nothing "ordinary" about my days, certainly not with five children.  Guilty as I might be of treating each day as if it's "just another day", there is a rhythm to it that begs to be appreciated and savored.  There lies my struggle, the worries about the future, the disdain for the daily (rote) tasks, the pining for days gone by and dismissing each day as "just another day".  I have yet to learn the art of being truly in the moment and smelling the roses.  Even those pockets of time reserved for prayer and contemplation are wrought with the past and the future (with to-do lists to match) but seldom the present.

And speaking of the present and living in the now, my extra-ordinary day is waiting...two diapers to change, homeschool lessons to be taught, the legendary pile of laundry and piping hot coffee that calls my name. 

May your days be as extra-ordinary as mine!

I'm listening to...Jars of Clay's version of Little Drummer Boy, it's a little bit carol and a little bit rock 'n roll


I am going...to read another chapter of the Voyage of the Dawn Treader to the kids when I finish this entry.  They're on "recess".

I am reading..see above

From the learning rooms...no school 'til tomorrow.

From the kitchen...chicken/veggie stir-fry for dinner.  Cinnamon rolls left-over from the weekend.  We did a lot of baking over Christmas break so I think we're done for awhile.

Around the house...generally tidy.  Christmas decorations are still up, not ready to store them just yet. 

One of my favorite things...countless moments of laughter with my children throughout the day.  I am blessed.

A few plans for the rest of the week...playdates with friends, homeschool group's Christmas party, lots of moments intentionally dedicated for quiet and prayer.

Ready for my close-up...no new photos to share boo!